Translating Headlines About Polling in Ohio’s 11th District Congressional Race into The People’s English: “Nina Turner is Winning”

After another colossally disappointing week of news about the country, the future, etcetera, I’m racking my brains one night for a shot of hope in the arm. Eventually, I settle on google searching the words, “Nina Tuner Shontel Brown Poll,” on the off-chance, historically speaking, of evidence that one candidate who I like might win an election somewhere.

Eventually, I got the hope I was looking for, but more by way of hard work, literary analysis of mainstream news headlines, and patience in the face of mounting confusion and frustration than by way of anything as instant or pleasant as a shot in the arm.

To save the eyes of other flummoxed readers from the strain of a Tucker Carlson level squint at the screen, I’ve translated some of the mainstream news headlines from my google search that answer the question, “Who leads in the polls in Ohio’s 11th Congressional District?” into the people’s English:

Akron-Beacon Journal, July 7: “Democrats Shontel Brown, Nina Turner Lead Crowded 11th Congressional District Race”

Translation: “Poll Shows Nina Turner in 1st Place”

Politico, July 12: “New Poll Shows Nina Turner’s Lead Shrinking in Ohio Special Election”

Translation: “New Poll Shows Nina Turner Leads in Ohio Special Election”

The Hill, July 15: “New Polls Show Democratic Race to Replace Fudge Tightening in Ohio”

Translation: “New Polls Show Nina Turner Still Leading in Democratic Race to Replace Fudge in Ohio”

Jewish Insider, July 23: “New Poll Puts Shontel Brown Within 5 Points of Nina Turner”

Translation: “New Poll Shows Nina Turner Five Points Ahead of Shontel Brown”

The Hill, July 23: “Shontel Brown Gaining Ground Against Nina Turner in Ohio”

Translation: “Nina Turner Still Ahead of Shontel Brown in Ohio”

NBC News, July 30: “House Primary in Ohio Takes Nasty Turn as National Democrats Descend”

Translation: “BREAKING: Congressional Candidate Shontel Brown Busted for Major Illegal Ethics Scandal, Continues Losing to Nina Turner in Polls, Things Not Looking Up for Brown’s Campaign”

Categories: Commentary, Humor, News, Politics